PUZZLES
During one of my last talks with "mary", I told her that I felt that my life (or myself) was a jigsaw puzzle and everybody knew how to put it together but me.
I kind of see myself as a puzzle that God has created. For me the puzzle He showed me is of a beautiful yellow rose in full bloom. And there have been so many people who came into my life (and many who still are in my life), who have looked at the puzzle and didn't like the way some pieces fit. They either tried to rearrange pieces and damaged them in the process or they really didn't like the picture they saw, and they took out the scissors and cut the pieces to fit the way they wanted them to fit. And some who just threw away pieces they didn't like.
Both of my parents, friends through life, my first husband, family, the list is almost endless of people who have somehow damaged my puzzle. And the result is a mess of broken pieces on the floor or in a puzzle box long forgotten about.
But God hasn't forgotten. He doesn't take out the tape or glue to put the pieces back together. He knows how to fix the pieces right! So that the pieces will fit together right again, and the picture seen is the one that He created it to be.
I see God working in my life, trying to put the puzzle back together. The frame is done and some of the top, but He can only work if I let Him. I am a hurting puzzle. Tired of people fixing me for their purposes, and I am even leary of God working in me. I see only what others have done to me, and I want to be left alone. While I am crying out to be whole, I am also leary. I can feel His love and knowledge while He is holding and crying over the broken pieces (and my unwillingness to let Him work). I am telling God, "Nobody has ever loved me right. I don't honestly trust anybody, even You. I am so afriad of being hurt again." I am questioning God's motives in wanting to fix me.
